America has been hit with an escalating crisis it doesn’t know how to handle. Across the country, hundreds of thousands of people have fallen victim to individuals obsessively focused on them. The phenomenon is called stalking. Stalking is a serious, potentially life-threatening crime. Even in its less severe forms, it permanently changes the lives of the people who are victimized by this crime, as well as affecting their friends, families, and co-workers. Law enforcement is only beginning to understand how to deal with this relatively new crime.

Until recently, the news spotlighted celebrity cases. While the prominent cases may attract more media attention, the majority of stalking victims are not public figures, but ordinary people. Stalking is more common than you might think, although it is hard to get accurate figures because law enforcement organizations have only recently started keeping records. Best estimates indicate that as many as 1.4 million Americans are stalked each year; and that 1 in 20 women will become targets of stalking behavior at least once during their lifetimes.

Fundamentally, stalking is a series of actions that puts a person in fear for their safety. The stalker may follow you, harass you, call you on the telephone, watch your house, send you messages, or act in some other way that frightens you. While there are different kinds of stalking, invariably it’s a power and control trip through which the stalker tries to distort the victim’s sense of reality. Often stalkers successfully terrorize their victims without ever breaking the law but the threat of violence is always inferred. Often victims do not know what to do when being stalked and suffer tremendously in terms of fear, anxiety and the disruption of their daily lives. With the publication of the Model Anti-Stalking Code in 1994, law enforcement agencies are finally starting to realize that a threat includes not only obvious actions but also ominous telephone calls, text messages and email, gifts ranging from flowers to dead animals, and vandalism.

Are stalkers really dangerous? They certainly can be! Many stalkers change behavior over time and escalate the frequency or the intensity of their contacts. Ex-boyfriends and ex-husbands who stalk are often violent. Some of the most dangerous stalkers give little or no warning before they attack. The natural reactions of most stalking victims reveal similar patterns and unfortunately may increase the likelihood of violence.

1) Victims deny the problem, which instantly puts them at a disadvantage.
2) Then they try to bargain with their stalkers, thereby establishing a dangerous precedent of allowing him to control their actions.
3) Anxiety sets in. Never knowing when or where he’s going to turn up or what he’s going to do next, they can think of little else. They start to short-circuit mentally and emotionally.
4) Exhaustion follows, along with profound depression. Then self-esteem starts to disintegrate.
5) Victims start to blame themselves.

6) Eventually, they get angry, so angry that they’re ready to do almost anything to get the stalker out of their life.
7) Finally, they accept what life has become. Only then can they start to deal with the situation objectively.

The stalking victim – rather than the stalker – is the person whose behavior has to change (since the stalker certainly won’t). It’s not fair, and most people don’t like hearing this. But if you want to protect yourself and your loved ones, it is reality.

If you or a loved one is being stalked, your first reaction is probably to call your local law enforcement. Unfortunately, you can’t assume that the police will be able to fix everything. While they may be able to help, they can’t make your stalking situation disappear. They can’t protect you around the clock. And their advice and involvement may even aggravate your problem.

That’s why it’s critical for you to know what to do should you — or someone close to you — become the target of an obsessive individual. Since nobody knows your situation better than you, you are the best equipped to protect yourself. Think carefully about any and all decisions before acting, and never hesitate to consult stalking experts, support groups, and other authorities about your particular case. Inform yourself before you act.

The list of safety precautions may be long and sound like a lot of work, but this is not the place for scrimping and shortcuts. Make sure you take all the precautions necessary to protect your privacy and keep you safe. As soon as you see that someone is being overly persistent, protecting yourself and your family must be your top priority.

The moment the situation starts to escalate, if you’ve already made clear that you have no interest, stop all contact. This includes attempts at friendly persuasion, counter-threats (an especially serious mistake), angry demands to be left alone, or efforts to negotiate. “If someone calls you forty times and, in desperation, you finally call him back after the forty-first message to try and entreat or reason with him, that simply teaches the caller that it takes that many attempts to get you on the line,” says the country’s foremost stalking authority Gavin de Becker. “Besides, trying to talk sense into someone who has already departed from logical behavior is like trying to teach someone to row a boat when they’ve already jumped into the water.”

If you or someone you know is being stalked contact CADV. Advocates have information including steps to keep you safe. They will help you identify which ones you need to take, to develop a safety plan and “Know It, Name It and Stop the Stalking”.

Click here to see the Proclamation signed by President Obama.